Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American poet once said "Life is not so short but that there is always time for courtesy."
When I was a kid, my parents had taught me to be friendly, courteous to most people, but at the same time, be affirmative and never be submissive, especially once you reach a higher position. My father keeps advising me the same even today saying that I am a research scholar and so, I need to be a bit affirmative at times but at the same time, not be proud of my achievements and not be arrogant. I should still be courteous to people, especially those that are elder to me.
These words of my parents has been helping me ever since I started interacting with people, whether in school, college or in the surroundings around me. Being polite, courteous and at the same time affirmative, I can say I have gained a lot of respect and friendship of a lot of people. Even to this day, if I go and visit my teachers in school or my lecturers in college, they talk to me in a very nicely and give me respect. Even when I go to get some stuff for my home from the nearby market, the shopkeepers speak to me nicely, wish me and give me respect, apart from the concession I get thanks to the way I interact with them.
I was able to imbibe this culture in myself because day in and day out, I used to see my parents practice what they preached. They were polite and courteous to most people but at the same time never were they submissive. When required, they were quite affirmative and used to get their opinion across with a strong voice. Also, they never had any negative attitude. They were never pessimistic. Their policy was : “All that happens is for the good”.
But nowadays, it is difficult to see many people following this culture. The present day culture, in majority, is one of people being rude, arrogant and with no sense of showing any courtesy. Take for example those who drive the public transport. Their behaviour is one of pure arrogance. They do not have the word polite in their dictionary. You ask them if they will take us to the destination of your wish, the response you get is either a rude nod of the head, saying “Oh Hell, who will come to drop you there!!!!” or they will ask you exhorbitant rates to take you there saying they have to come empty on the return. Effectively, you are paying for their return also!
Well, I had least expected the better educated people to exhibit such a behaviour. I thought atleast the learned folk will have some sense of courtesy and be more polite towards others. What I have experienced in the last few years is something complete opposite.
Nowadays, people expect YOU to be polite and courteous but YOU cannot expect the same from them. They can be as rude and impolite as possible. YOU are expected to show all the courtesy to them whenever possible. If not, they will raise an alarm saying you are being rude to them. But if YOU expect the same from them, then you are at fault as you are not supposed to be expecting.
There is another class of people, who have the feeling that if you are asking them something out of courtesy, then you are imposing things on them. They think you expect them to be with you always, just because you asked them out of pure courtesy !!! But if you fail to include them in your activities two to three times, they will complain that you are rude to them. So, I don’t know how to interact with them. If you do something, YOU are at fault and if you do not do, even then YOU only are a fault !! Ultimately, in their minds, whatever you do, you are a fault.
Then there is the third kind. These people are those who hardly practice what they preach. They advice people saying “you have to show courtesy towards others. When you are going for a cup of coffee or tea or say you are going out for lunch, then call others to find out if they want to join, out of courtesy”. But when they themselves are going out, then even if you are in their sight, then they just ignore you and carry on, as if you were a ghost or a spirit, who is not to be seen by them. I am not saying that we should go together always as a group. People can do whatever they want with whomever they want. But the fact is that when you are a part of a group, then when others of the group are doing something in your presence, then I feel at least out of courtesy, they should ask the rest of the group if they also would like to join. It is THIS COMMON SENSE that is lacking in the present generation.
These instances are increasing in our daily life day after day and it is sad to see that a sense of courtesy is diminishing by the day. It is sad to see how the younger generation is losing these values of life as I feel they are important in modelling anyone as a good person, a good human being. People make use of your friendship whenever they want and later, when not needed, you are completely forgotten. Your existence depends on their requirements. This attitude is on the rise in all walks of life and there is no trust between people. They just say that you are a good friend and one who can be trusted only from their mouths !! At the bottom of their heart, they will be thinking completely differently.
I sometimes feel that not being a part of any friends circle is a better way of living in the present scenario. I probably would not be writing this if I was living all by myself with no TRUSTWORTHY FRIENDS, some of whom, have really pierced me with a sharp knife at sometime or the other due to which I have lost all the respect I had towards them. There are so many cases where people whom I considered good friends have slapped me with curt comments, after which my interaction with them has changed for good.
Hence, my advice to all those who read this, if at all anyone does read this completely, is not to make any assumptions in haste. Interact with people for sometime before making any opinions about them. But even after that, be prepared to face the knife at any point in your life.
But remember one thing: Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, it is twice blessed. And as Benjamin Franklin once famously said " To be humble to superiors is duty, to equals courtesy and to inferiors, nobleness" we need to be humble towards others and definitely not proud of what we are as there are always people much better than us, who will surely bring us back down to earth.
So, be polite and courteous towards others and try not to be curt to anyone as sometimes friendships are lost in a second due to some ugly comment you make, thinking it is funny, but not realising that the person receiving it might be hurt. !!
Regards,
Sudi
When I was a kid, my parents had taught me to be friendly, courteous to most people, but at the same time, be affirmative and never be submissive, especially once you reach a higher position. My father keeps advising me the same even today saying that I am a research scholar and so, I need to be a bit affirmative at times but at the same time, not be proud of my achievements and not be arrogant. I should still be courteous to people, especially those that are elder to me.
These words of my parents has been helping me ever since I started interacting with people, whether in school, college or in the surroundings around me. Being polite, courteous and at the same time affirmative, I can say I have gained a lot of respect and friendship of a lot of people. Even to this day, if I go and visit my teachers in school or my lecturers in college, they talk to me in a very nicely and give me respect. Even when I go to get some stuff for my home from the nearby market, the shopkeepers speak to me nicely, wish me and give me respect, apart from the concession I get thanks to the way I interact with them.
I was able to imbibe this culture in myself because day in and day out, I used to see my parents practice what they preached. They were polite and courteous to most people but at the same time never were they submissive. When required, they were quite affirmative and used to get their opinion across with a strong voice. Also, they never had any negative attitude. They were never pessimistic. Their policy was : “All that happens is for the good”.
But nowadays, it is difficult to see many people following this culture. The present day culture, in majority, is one of people being rude, arrogant and with no sense of showing any courtesy. Take for example those who drive the public transport. Their behaviour is one of pure arrogance. They do not have the word polite in their dictionary. You ask them if they will take us to the destination of your wish, the response you get is either a rude nod of the head, saying “Oh Hell, who will come to drop you there!!!!” or they will ask you exhorbitant rates to take you there saying they have to come empty on the return. Effectively, you are paying for their return also!
Well, I had least expected the better educated people to exhibit such a behaviour. I thought atleast the learned folk will have some sense of courtesy and be more polite towards others. What I have experienced in the last few years is something complete opposite.
Nowadays, people expect YOU to be polite and courteous but YOU cannot expect the same from them. They can be as rude and impolite as possible. YOU are expected to show all the courtesy to them whenever possible. If not, they will raise an alarm saying you are being rude to them. But if YOU expect the same from them, then you are at fault as you are not supposed to be expecting.
There is another class of people, who have the feeling that if you are asking them something out of courtesy, then you are imposing things on them. They think you expect them to be with you always, just because you asked them out of pure courtesy !!! But if you fail to include them in your activities two to three times, they will complain that you are rude to them. So, I don’t know how to interact with them. If you do something, YOU are at fault and if you do not do, even then YOU only are a fault !! Ultimately, in their minds, whatever you do, you are a fault.
Then there is the third kind. These people are those who hardly practice what they preach. They advice people saying “you have to show courtesy towards others. When you are going for a cup of coffee or tea or say you are going out for lunch, then call others to find out if they want to join, out of courtesy”. But when they themselves are going out, then even if you are in their sight, then they just ignore you and carry on, as if you were a ghost or a spirit, who is not to be seen by them. I am not saying that we should go together always as a group. People can do whatever they want with whomever they want. But the fact is that when you are a part of a group, then when others of the group are doing something in your presence, then I feel at least out of courtesy, they should ask the rest of the group if they also would like to join. It is THIS COMMON SENSE that is lacking in the present generation.
These instances are increasing in our daily life day after day and it is sad to see that a sense of courtesy is diminishing by the day. It is sad to see how the younger generation is losing these values of life as I feel they are important in modelling anyone as a good person, a good human being. People make use of your friendship whenever they want and later, when not needed, you are completely forgotten. Your existence depends on their requirements. This attitude is on the rise in all walks of life and there is no trust between people. They just say that you are a good friend and one who can be trusted only from their mouths !! At the bottom of their heart, they will be thinking completely differently.
I sometimes feel that not being a part of any friends circle is a better way of living in the present scenario. I probably would not be writing this if I was living all by myself with no TRUSTWORTHY FRIENDS, some of whom, have really pierced me with a sharp knife at sometime or the other due to which I have lost all the respect I had towards them. There are so many cases where people whom I considered good friends have slapped me with curt comments, after which my interaction with them has changed for good.
Hence, my advice to all those who read this, if at all anyone does read this completely, is not to make any assumptions in haste. Interact with people for sometime before making any opinions about them. But even after that, be prepared to face the knife at any point in your life.
But remember one thing: Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, it is twice blessed. And as Benjamin Franklin once famously said " To be humble to superiors is duty, to equals courtesy and to inferiors, nobleness" we need to be humble towards others and definitely not proud of what we are as there are always people much better than us, who will surely bring us back down to earth.
So, be polite and courteous towards others and try not to be curt to anyone as sometimes friendships are lost in a second due to some ugly comment you make, thinking it is funny, but not realising that the person receiving it might be hurt. !!
Regards,
Sudi
1 comment:
Great one..
Well. I thought, I should add something to what you have already written.
Being courteous, I feel is not something that is to be taught. It is something that becomes a habit out of practice. I am not sure, whether, am courteous with all people, who I come across. And I don't think I try to be courteous with people conciously. Well, to be frank, I don't take a note of many things that I do. Many a time how you talk to a person, or how you interact with a person, just flows out of you out of practice...
Now something different. The place, where I am now, I think, people here have taken courtesy to the next level. Any conversation, with any one, on any subject begins with an enquiry into their family's well being, their work, their day to day activities, and a long list of things follow.
This is something that happened with us on our last road safari. We were practically lost on one of the raods, and were on the look out of anyone who could guide us through. We were passing a village and the driver stopped near a hawker selling cashews. Since the hawker had no english in him, the driver took on with the conversation. It started with a wish, then went on to an enquiry into the general well being of the village, then a comment or two on the climate... here we lost track of what they were talking..
After about 15 minutes the driver came back, and told that, the person does not know the roads properly and so can't point us to the right roads.
We got intereseted and asked him, what they were talking for all this time..
The driver says... I enquired about his family's well being, found that one of his great uncles' grand daughter (or someone like that) has some illness, and when they were discussing that, he remembered one of his relatives who has a similar problem. So they were discussing what his relative had done to cure that.... and stuff like that..
And all these talks, between 2 people who are seeing for the first time...
Another thing that's worth mentioning is being courteous on the road. Or being disciplined while driving.. One days' drive here actually got me converted. Ever heard of people saying thanks, when you allow them to overtake you, or people saying sorry, if they cross you by mistake.. or the best one.. people waiting patiently at the traffic lights, at the middle of the night, with never even bothering to honk.
Well, we Indians might feel this awkward, but this is the way of life here..
If we could take a lesson or two from these people it could be great. Well, I don't want, my autorikshaw driver to be enquiring about my personal affairs.. but, it could be nice, if he smiles and takes me in with a warm welcome.
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